Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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