Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
