One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
