Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
