all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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