marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i love accidental penises.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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