Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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