I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
