first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
