It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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