Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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