Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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