I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
