im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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