my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she looked like the before picture.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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