HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
