so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
