Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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