when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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