I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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