someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
