I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
