There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
