She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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