I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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