I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
