Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
