this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
