you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
