i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
