I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
