go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
