We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
