I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
