barbara walters just said penis...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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