I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
