remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
