Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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