We won't sleep together?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
