i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize