Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
