So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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