I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
