Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
