I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.