I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
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Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.