sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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