I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
