i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.