we have officially lost it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
