I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
