i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
home. puking in laundry basket.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
