:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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