I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
