I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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