I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
