this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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