she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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