sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
