This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
