Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
