3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
