No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
