If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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