So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
