I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
