curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How naked do you want me to be?
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