I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
