I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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