porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
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Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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